Sunday, July 29, 2012

Read me

I envy people who can read themselves like an open book. Sometimes I really don't know what I want, & I feel like I am just floating with the current. Instead, I am supposed to be swimming towards the direction I want to go right?

What I can say is somethings are beyond my control, perhaps I have a very low EQ, but I find it hard to control my emotions. Especially when it comes to relationships between people.

I am having some troubles with my friend. Maybe that's why I am feeling particularly emotional these days. How do you give up a relationship with someone built over the years? Obviously there is a reason that triggered this, I am just unhappy being with you. I really don't know what to do. I guess I'll just leave it as it is. Of course I won't be all childish and call you to tell you we are no longer friends, but I guess I will just stop putting effort into it.

Ugh the more I type the more horrible I feel. I feel like I cannot share this with anyone, not even Chris.

& that leads to yet another problem. See, I told you that relationships are not my forte.

I use to be able to share everything with my boyfriend. Every secret every thought, but somehow not anymore. It is not that I love him any less, I just don't feel like talking about it.

Maybe Skyping is just not the mode of communication for me, I always feel one of us would be doing something else. Also, I don't think anyone can provide me a solution for this - a solution to make me feel like I'm less of a bitch. Whenever I see you I have so much to tell you that I end up telling you nothing.

Sometimes saying something out loud is like admitting to it. Thinking about it in my mind is one thing, but actually talking and telling someone this just makes me feel like this problem is real and not avoidable.

But anyway, not being able to share my thoughts with my closest one make me feel very sad.

Monday, July 23, 2012
I have been holidaying back home for 3 months already, and I have exactly 30 days left in Malaysia. Then  I'll be back there again for 9 months! I'll be spending the winter holidays there, since it is too short for me to travel across the globe, twice. 

I know I never talk about my life there much, I didn't even blog at all when I was there. Instagram, Twitter and Facebook was enough for me to document my life there. But right now I am regretting, cause I really want to read about it! I probably was over whelmed and also settling down, and I probably forgot my fcuking password (again). 

So 4 months of living there I want to sum up of what I think about Pennsylvania and the people there. LOL. I never really been out of Erie, mostly I was there, a week in Miami, 2 days in Pittsburg and a few airports across the country. 

My life there probably consist of 

1. walking to class in the snow. 
Erie is by the lake. This lake is so huge it looks like an ocean. Due to the strategic location, when it snows, it really snows and the temperature drops very low. My friends told me last winter it was snowing exceptionally little, and it was particularly warm. My explanation for it was it's 2012. 

Okay anyway, when it snows it's so bad that I cannot walk with my head up cause snow gets into my eye and I can't see shit. Sometimes the snow is really hard and it's like tiny rocks hitting my face. Sometimes it's like bird shit, slush snow. Sometimes it is really powdery and fine, that is the best. Like God is sifting flour onto Earth.

When the snow is thick enough, people like to sledge down sloped with stolen trays from the cafeteria. that. 

I did that only once though. Sooo cold. My jeans get soaked afterwards when the snow melts. My socks too. 

2. Going to Walmart. 

Walmart is open 24/7, and there's 2 of them near me. Before I met Chris I usually visit the ghetto one, because that's the only Walmart the bus brings us to. Then I had Chris and he was nice enough to fetch me places, then I get to go to the non ghetto one. Yayy. 

Going to Walmart to buy groceries and food is one of the best entertainment. & it is fun to buy things that are usually expensive in Malaysia for a cheaper price, & there's a lot of cool delicious looking stuff on sale. Like all kinds of microwavable food! &Haagen Daaz is so cheap.

Then we started to go to Wegman's, superior supermarket to Walmart. It's like, Cold Storage and Giant here in Malaysia. Normally I get fresh fruits from Wegman's. & Sometimes when I'm cooking at Chris's apartment we will go shop at Wegman's first. & sometimes I go shopping at Wegman's with Jane, browsing through every aisle taking us forever, but I have a lot of fun. :D

3. Eating

...and so much more. Especially bagels. My diet there made me gain a lot of weight when I came back. I really don't want to go back there and become fat again. =.=

4. Being my room.

& drinking tea. Doing laundry, folding them, hanging them. Sometimes I look forward to those nights when my roommate goes home. Then I get some private time. 

I do homework in my room too, don't really go to the library cause it's freezing outside and I don't want to go out!

I Skype my family there too, spend hours talking to them. Oh and I whatsapp my friends here from my room most of the time, talkbox my dear Queennie there too. Camwhore in my room sometimes. Stare at the snow outside and cranking up the heater in my room. 

This is the view from my room when it snows. Isn't it romantic??

That's the name of the dorm I'm staying in. Those icicles are deadly. 

5. Spend weekends with my friends!

I love weekends. ;)

6. Admiring greenness. 

Spring time then came, it was still chilly, but it's getting much greener everyday. Season changing is so amazing. 

That's basically my life there. All that plus Chris. (: 

I enjoy it there, I have time to study and play. I like the weather also (sometimes), even though it is physically uncomfortable, but it's a beautiful sight. 

& I learn a lot of things, like doing my own chores and cleaning after myself. I learnt to look after other people too.

Communicating with my friends and family back in Malaysia wasn't hard, there was Whatsapp and Talkbox and Skype. But it really made me wish I was with them, when my plane touched Malaysian earth and the captain said, 'Too all Malaysians, welcome home". I almost cried. hahah. 

Okay this post took me forever. At least I kind of summed up States for the first time, I won't feel my blog is incomplete anymore. :P 

Friday, July 20, 2012

4 Days

Wow I finally picked up my lazy bum to recover my forgotten password and blog. 

I have so much to say and nobody to say it to! 

I don't even know where to start.

Chris came to visit me for 4 days, and I just sent him back to Thailand few hours ago. He should have landed by now but I won't bug him yet. 

Malaysia feels quieter without him, this few days of dating reminded me of how 'dating' feels like. The last time I was actually on a date in Malaysia was a little shy of a year ago. I know right? How time flies. It is amazing what can happen in just one year. 

Right now, frankly, I feel head over heels in love with him. I know this sounds crazy and stupid, I am trying my best to keep my head above the water and not be too blinded. I just cannot help it. Maybe it is the 5 months buzz thing still going on, I don't know what it is. I'm just going to enjoy this moment and hope for the best. 

I had such a blast for the past few days, it was great. Discovered many things I like about him, and shared many laughters. I just had a blast! Thank you so much for making this trip, really. 

I didn't take many pictures. I am not a professional blogger, maybe I should try harder next time. Lol. 

Basically he stayed at Sunway, I brought him to Sunway Pyramid (duh), ate Sushi Zanmai and then Sumika for dinner. Japanese food overload I know, but that is his favorite cuisine! (: 

On the second day we went to KL. Brought him to KLCC, Pavilion & Starhill. Had lunch at the food court below Lot 10, and dinner at BBQ Plaza. 

The next day we went to Melaka with Jane. It was nice catching up with her!! I like hanging out with both of them. I usually don't like being with a friend and a boyfriend at the same time (well technically Jane is my cousin), but with her I really don't feel awkward or anything. Thoroughly enjoyed your company cousin! Had chicken rice balls, cendol, pork satay for lunch, and then OUG night market for pre-dinner (asam laksa) , and then home cooked dinner by mum with my siblings. (: 

Last day, today, had Pork Noodle at ss15, and then went to Gardens to hang out.

4 days passed by so fasts, it was very fulfilling also. Now, another month till I get to see you again na tee rak!  


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