Monday, January 30, 2012

Long time no see!

I'm 3 weeks in over here in the States!

When people back in Malaysia chat with me, they would normally go, 

"Hey, how's US treating you?"
"How are you in US?" 

It's hard for me to really give an accurate answer, so normally I would just say, "Oh I'm good". It depends on my mood. When I'm happy, I'd go, "yeah I'm starting to like it".


Honestly, I like it here. Just sometimes it gets a little frustrating cause of loneliness and boredom. 



Let's start with my room, 



That's my side of the room. The opposite side is my room mate's, Victoria. 




As you can see the only place to relax is the study table's chair, or my bed. I don't really like to lie on my bed all the time, but I do appreciate that I sleep right next to the window. Waking up to this view everyday is awesome. Especially if it was all green before you sleep, and you wake up to a white world. 

But walking to class in the snow is not so nice especially when it's really windy. The snow is sometimes fine, but sometimes it's like tiny rocks. So yeah that sucks. 

& also, I like my curtains open. I prefer the room bright and airy looking, also I know that helps with the depression I go through sometimes. BUT, my room mate likes it dark. So that sucks too.

Like right now, her boyfriend is staying over. ( I KNOW RIGHT). So they are watching football and the room is pretty dim. Im surviving now from the lights of my study table. 

Her boyfriend comes over during the weekends. & he is a very nice guy, so is Victoria. She is very neat and a great room mate, I get along pretty well with her. That's why I tolerate how her boyfriend comes over... Eventhough it doesn't really bug me, but it gets kinda inconvenient when I want some peace and quiet/ privacy. They're in the room 24/7, either napping or watching TV. 








That place is called Dobbins, it's a buffet type thing. So basically I have already paid for my meals there, it's around $1.50 for breakfast, Don't know how much for lunch, & $4.75 for dinner/brunch. 

It's really nice to be able to have a full blown breakfast every morning. There's everything you'll ever want in a western breakfast! Waffles, pancakes, tater tots, latte, mocha, hot chocolate, yogurt, omelet, fruits, oats, dried fruits etc. & having the view of trees and the lake is a great start for the day! 


I think that's pretty much it about my daily life here in Behrend. All I do is sleep, eat & go to class. When I'm lucky, I get to get on someone's car to grocery shop and buy some snacks. When I'm free and not lazy, I go to the gym. That pretty much sums up my life here. Wow when I type it out it comes out so depressing and pathetic, its actually not that bad in real life (sort of). 








So anyway it's 8.50pm here, I'm currently slightly depressed for a few reasons. ): 

1. I want my room to be bright and the TV to shut up.

2. I want to be alone   Actually, I'm quite afraid to be alone. I think I will breakdown or something if I was. 

3. I'm kind of disappointed with myself. For 3 reasons, first, I got my accounting test result back and I got a B+, 1 more mark away from A-! FML. I'm so stupid I must work super hard already. I got 88%, 89% then A already you know. I feel so stressed to keep up with the Asians here, cause it seems like everyone has a at least 3.5 GPA. The second & third reason is a really long story. So I'm not going there.

4. I miss being at home. I miss driving around, I miss having control of my room. I can on the lights whenever I want. I miss my soft bed. & shopping and eating with my mum. & I miss Queennie & Jia Jia. & Yen & Erika. & Asians. 

5. I feel stupid. I keep losing things. I carry a bag pack around and wear 3 layer of clothes & I feel it's hard to keep track of where everything is. LOL. I know it sounds silly but yeah. 

6. Monday blues. My day starts at 7am tomorrow and I have stuff lined up till 10pm. Loong day. Oh & my period came last night. Double whammy. 



Okay. I have to go and do the rest of my homework now. See you soon! 



Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Somewhere over the atlantic sea







The view from the plane as I was flying from LAX to Detroit. I think most of the USA has buildings all over it. Cause the view is mostly streetlights and lights from the building. Really pretty!




Had a bagel, coffee and chicken noodle soup with a friend I made at Detroit airport. (: 


I love it! Chicken noodle soup is my favorite American food!



This is the view of Erie. Taken from the plane. 

This is Erie airport! After 4+10+5+6 = 25 hours of traveling, I'm finally here!



This is a part of my campus. The snow has melted so you can see the green grass. Unfortunately it will be snowing again. It's in the middle of the winter. The weather is good today, but when it's windy, it's just freezing! It's about 2 degrees outside, but it's sunny, so it makes all the difference. The weather is still tolerable.

The reason I talked so much about the weather is. The coldness demotivates me to take pictures cause my bony fingers just couldn't take the coldness! So yeah, not many photos.. Unfortunately.



That's a picture I took outside Wal-Mart. It's during sunset, around 5pm. 




Look at all that microwavable food!! It's crazy. There's microwavable everything. So I bought some too, haven't got around to try it. 




I made some friends, if you're curious. But I don't think we have reached the 'let's take a picture together' stage. So. Haha I don't know if we will ever reach that stage so let's just wait and see. 


I'm not as homesick as I was, cause life is actually pretty laid-back here. All I have to do is go to class, do homework and eat. I have a room mate by the way, her name is Victoria. I'm so thankful to have such a nice room-mate! She is very nice and very easy to get along. I would be the more difficult room mate unfortunately. I think I'm more messy. ): Tryna change okay! Cut me some slack


I'll take more pictures soon! see you <3 




Wednesday, January 4, 2012

4/1/12, 6.33pm.

Location: Somewhere over Hong Kong.





I’m blogging from the plane. There isn’t any wifi so this post will be posted later, when I’m landed at Taipei – if I have the time and connection.

The day has finally come! I’m leaving my family and my home, in the plane to a super foreign land with foreign people.

I can’t even sleep cause there are a million thoughts racing through my mind… I miss home so much. I miss my mum and my dad… I miss having company.

I keep asking myself if there’s anything I’m looking forward to after I land. I guess right now I look forward to actually arriving at Erie the most. I cannot wait to get all this flying time done with. There’s still more than 24 hours to go until I actually reach Erie.

I’m quite glad that I’m making this journey alone, even though I feel very miserable. I would feel worst if I had to drag my parents along to this long and tedious journey!


I am excited to start studying, and settling down to my new environment… But if my family was here with me, I’d be more excited. 

It never occurred to me how unready I am. I have a ton of things to do. & I have to do all this without my mum. Sigh I don’t know, I’m already on the plane there. No turning back, not that I want to. It’s time to learn to be independent.






Before leaving, I hugged my parents good bye. Actually when I hugged my mum I was still capable of hiding my tears. I knew I was going to cry but I was adamant not to cry in front of her. I know she will feel sad if she sees me crying. But after that my dad gave me a hug and I just exploded.




While I bury my head in my dad’s shoulder he told me to be strong, like him. When I just broke up with Jun Wei, he said the same thing to me. That was what that motivated me to fight my challenges.


Gosh I’m tearing while I type this, I hope the girl sitting next to me don’t find it too weird.  Lol.


The people sitting in front of me, I reckon are a bunch of students are all laughing and stuff. I feel like a weakling cause I am so miserable. Many of my friends are studying overseas, how is it that they can manage it and I cannot?

 I hope this feeling of weakness is just temporary. I’ll always miss my mum and dad, but I have to stop feeling like this. I have to be strong like my dad!



Right the plane is landing. 1.5 hours later I’m getting back on. How am I going to survive the next  20 something hours in the plane and airports? T.T


Sunday, January 1, 2012

HAPPY 2012!



Happy New Year 



I have a feeling that this will be the most legendary year so far. I had a good start. I went for a dinner with Jia Jia. Japanese food, oh glorious prawn tempura how I love you. &later, we were joined by Wen Zhi to go fireworks watching by the hill. He got me some flowers as a farewell gift, thank you so much. (: 

The fireworks were amazing. I failed to catch it on camera unfortunately. ): I really don't know how to take picture of it! I was at multiple countdown parties at once, there are fireworks going off at every corner of the skyline! & then there are fireworks above our heads too. <3 


xxx

I'm leaving on Wednesday, today is Sunday. 

I'm really freaking out, it's like being forced to grow up!

"Sue Ann, you're 20 now (sort of)! It's about time you grow up!" 

Really? Do I have to? Damn. ): 




My mum has been doing all the packing for me, and my dad, the financing. I'm a useless pile of cow dung I know. I am not looking forward to leaving, I think that's why I've been putting off packing. I don't know if I'll be able to do this!

I feel fear, like genuine fear. & it's not fear of traveling alone or being kidnapped etc. It's the fear of being alone. Fear of growing up, and never being able to be who I am today. It's ridiculous but it's real.


Major freak out time... I've never felt this way all my life, other than when I'm on a roller coaster crawling up the tracks. There's no way out and I can only face the fear alone, and it's sure to be a hell of a ride...


How am I going to get through all the customs and departure gates and all that?
How am I going to lug my huge luggage around an airport I've never been before?
How am I going to go buy all the necessities from scratch- on my own?
Who am I going to go tell when there's interesting stuff going on in class?
Who is going to distract me when I'm feeling down?


&, I'm not only scared for myself - I'm worried for my mum too!

Who's going to run errands for her?
Who's going to go shopping and have coffee with her?
Who's going to accompany her to buy CNY things?
Who's going to gossip with her?
Who's going to scold her other daughter and sons for her?


Maybe I'm thinking too highly of myself. But still, it's normally my role to accompany her.



xxx

It's time for me to grow up mum, but I'll never ever stop being your little girl. I'll always love going shopping with you and buying the whole Metrojaya. I'll always love talking and gossiping about people with you!

Don't miss me so much! I go there to learn to be more independent and strong, so that I can come back and take care of you and dad.





I don't really talk about my feelings to my parents, thanks to the extremely asian upbringing. I hope they get my message. Somehow..


Alright it's 3.37am now. What a productive 4 hour. I'm now going to sleep. Will blog about my farewell soon. It's really such a wonderful dinner!

Good night and again, HAPPY 2012! 
 

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