Sunday, July 29, 2012
I envy people who can read themselves like an open book. Sometimes I really don't know what I want, & I feel like I am just floating with the current. Instead, I am supposed to be swimming towards the direction I want to go right?
What I can say is somethings are beyond my control, perhaps I have a very low EQ, but I find it hard to control my emotions. Especially when it comes to relationships between people.
I am having some troubles with my friend. Maybe that's why I am feeling particularly emotional these days. How do you give up a relationship with someone built over the years? Obviously there is a reason that triggered this, I am just unhappy being with you. I really don't know what to do. I guess I'll just leave it as it is. Of course I won't be all childish and call you to tell you we are no longer friends, but I guess I will just stop putting effort into it.
Ugh the more I type the more horrible I feel. I feel like I cannot share this with anyone, not even Chris.
& that leads to yet another problem. See, I told you that relationships are not my forte.
I use to be able to share everything with my boyfriend. Every secret every thought, but somehow not anymore. It is not that I love him any less, I just don't feel like talking about it.
Maybe Skyping is just not the mode of communication for me, I always feel one of us would be doing something else. Also, I don't think anyone can provide me a solution for this - a solution to make me feel like I'm less of a bitch. Whenever I see you I have so much to tell you that I end up telling you nothing.
Sometimes saying something out loud is like admitting to it. Thinking about it in my mind is one thing, but actually talking and telling someone this just makes me feel like this problem is real and not avoidable.
But anyway, not being able to share my thoughts with my closest one make me feel very sad.