Friday, September 23, 2011

Abyss

It's 5.20am now, I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't! This has been one of the shittiest month of my life.

It cannot get more lonely than this. Maybe it can. But I haven't felt this alone in a very, very long time. Everyone is asleep, all I can hear is my fan and myself. I can't even distract myself cause I'm all choked up with emotions and frustration. And maybe tears.

I did a lot of stuff today to tire myself on purpose. All the plans backfired. Went climbing this mountain with Aaron, and I held onto a tree with a lot of thorns. It poked me but I was so distracted with the walk itself I didn't see whether there's anything stuck on my palm. Just now I was tossing and turning I felt and sharp sting and voila! There was it, 4 tiny black thorns under my skin.

After the mountain climbing, I went for dinner. I was talking so much to him that I don't remember teh o ice limau is tea. & I'm extremely sensitive to caffeine. I had 2 glasses of it some more. I'm a genius I know.

So here I am right now. Feeling like I want to break down, but I won't. Enough breaking down for 2 weeks. Really enough. I won't allow myself to be so foolish anymore.


This break up is harder than I thought... Okay maybe not. It's just as hard as I expected it to be. I'm a pessimist. Bad things don't take me by surprise, I almost expect them.


It's 5.21am now. & I can't be bothered to even try to sleep. Being unable to sleep is one of the most frustrating things that can happen, especially now, when I'm so afraid of being alone with my thoughts.


It's like I cannot fall asleep like a normal person anymore. I have to distract myself from myself. It's really shitty. I don't know how am I going to wake up later and brush my teeth and all that.


Maybe it's the lack of sleep, I'm feeling nauseous too. It gets worse when I think of my uni apps and SATs, as if this break up isn't stressful enough.


Every bone in my body feels brittle when I'm alone. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is my family. Honestly, if it wasn't for them I might be suicidal. I'm so thankful that I have such loving parents and siblings.


Oh and another thing is of course my friends, Twitter and hope. Yeah. Hope. I don't know if it's hope that him and I will work things out, or hope that I'll finally be okay on my own, or hope that these uni will accept me. It's just hope. These things I'm thankful for.


I hope that it will stay dark until I fall asleep but who am I kidding? In 1 hour the sun will rise. Oh I just heard the newspaper being thrown into my house. 5.40am. Signing off.




I would rather swallow all these emotions than letting it rip. Swallow it and toughen up. Yes.





Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Blogger App testing!

I'm blogging from my phone using the new blogger app! This brings a whole new definition of blogging. Now all I need is a better built in camera so that I can post pretty photos. Then I won't need an actual computer anymore.

I actually just plan to test out this new app but since I'm already technically blogging, I'll just go on and yak about some stuff that's been on my mind.

1. I haven't been sleeping much lately cause I am pretty stressed. He is leaving on Saturday, and my uni apps are due soon, and SATS. Ahhh. I just hope I get accepted. Or else I might just give up studying and go learn how to fix cars or and pump toilets.

2. I'm actually sitting on my bed now waiting for my face mask to dry up so that I can wash it off. I'm never the hard working vain type, but I think I should start.

3. My hugest phobia is I won't get married and never have children. There are signs now that I might just end up like that... My left eye brow which is thinner at the end, my palm which has this not nice relationship line, I just broke up with JW...

4. Yeah I know I've never really written on my blog about that. There's nothing much to say about it. So there. I don't know what's happening now either.

5. I really gotta do my SAT Practice Test soon or I'll be damned.

6. The functions of this app is really really simple. So far I don't think I can spell check, change font, colour and all that...

7. I like the looks of a Blackberry but I prefer the functions of an iPhone. Maybe I should get a blackberry and an iPod touch. Best of both worlds. Love how I can have a zillion apps. Lol.

8. I really need a job. Anyone needs a babysitter/ clerk/ chef(?)/ friend/ slave? Lol. I'm not kidding. I. NEED. A. JOB.

9. Okay gonna wash of this mask now. It's supposed to reduce redness from pimples/ over exposure of sun. I don't have any redness now but heck whatever, it's good for my skin and it's been sitting on my shelves since forever.

10. Wow if you're still reading then it's either I'm really really interesting & funny & charming or you're really really bored. I'm sure it's more of the former than latter am I right? Never hurts to have some self confidence.




Have a nice day everyone! Bye!
Friday, September 16, 2011

Happy Birthday Heng Jian!

Today is my baby brother's birthday. He turns 9 this year. Heng Jian is somebody I love and care about so much, he is like the pearl of my family. No matter what he does he will be forgiven and loved. He doesn't really know how to talk yet, but whenever he says something we will be so amazed! We love him very much and we always will. <3


SO, happy birthday babyyy.


We celebrated with him at his school in the afternoon. Cooked spaghetti, fried chicken (!!), sandwiches, fruit salad for his classmates. We even made a pinata! We wanted to buy but it's damn expensive. We already spent money on the balloons!




All the cartoon characters Heng Jian likes. He is one lucky kid!






At night, we had dinner at El Cedor. It was delicious, no surprise there. (:

 Salty ham with sweet melon. I forgot what is it called in fancy language.

Ceaser salad which my brother single handed took down.

German crispy pork knuckle. Love the Sauerkraut! 

Roasted Iberico Ribs.

Seafood Soup. My favourite! It's not on the menu, the nice waitress recommended it to us. It really good, a little spicy and the soup is tomato based (since it's red), and very generous seafood. Love the bacon wrapped with cod.

My parents and Heng Jian. (:

Deer caught in headlights look. Nice.

Me staring longingly at next door table's LV thing. lol.

My pretty sister who is getting prettier everyday. Aww.



Sister & dad. <3

Mum and I! I won't mind looking like that when I'm old, she aged so gracefully. This is so cheesy but whatever. :P





My brother was so happy and surprised when they took the cake out and sung the birthday song for him! He kept saying 'YAY!' and clapping and smiling. The happiest I've seen him. hahah.


" Happy birthday to you! OINK OINK! "
Thursday, September 1, 2011

Happy Birthday !



Yesterday, I turned 19! Jun Wei had a plan for me, & I was so curious as of what plans he had for me! 

For the first time, I chose where we eat for dinner. & of all places, I chose Tao! Tsk. I should've left that job to Jun Wei.

The food wasn't very nice, but it was my first buffet dinner with Jun Wei. I stuffed myself with Salmon Sashimi to get my money's worth. 








As you can see, Jun Wei wasn't enjoying dinner. haha manja face! 



So after dinner, his 'plan' for me is in action. Lol. 

He fetch me to The Library at IOI Boulevard. & guess who I saw there?? 

My college friends! 

Chia Li, Me, Connie! 




















That's them trying to show their buffness, then shy away. lol. 




I know I didn't look very surprised. I didn't know how to react! From far I kept peeking in to see what's going on and I saw everyone. Hahah. But really, thank you for trying to surprise me! I really appreciate it. (: 




AND YOU! LAM JUN WEI. 
Thanks for planning everything and the really wonderful gift. I love it, both of them! It's really pretty. ILY! 






XX.

Today my family celebrate with me. We did the birthday ritual, blow candle cut cake. Sadly my DSLR run out of batteries from the night before cause I forgot to off it. ): 

This year's birthday, I definitely feel I grown up a lot compared to last year... I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful family, especially my parents. 

I couldn't ask for me. Thank you so much for taking care of me and loving me for 19 years. 


I love you mum & dad. 


& Sabr
 

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